Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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