i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
