Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
