I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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