By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
