NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he had hair everywhere except his balls
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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