Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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