Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
