my vag is so smooth its legendary
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
