billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
