the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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