just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
