Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
