I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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