found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
