I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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