I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
