apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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