He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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