This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
