my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
