He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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