you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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