I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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