wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
