If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
