You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
