someone owes me an orgasm
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
