Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
