if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
