the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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