Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
