I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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