We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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