I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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