only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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