I can text with my tongue
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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