I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
