bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
