So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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