I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
