the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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