i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
