apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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