You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
