even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
