I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i think my cat just said my name.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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