You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.