I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
