You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator