it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
this is an emotional support booty call
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.