Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
