Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!