The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"