You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This baby is an asshole
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
