Pappa wants mamma naked
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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