my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
please come you make the beer taste better
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
