Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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