Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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