My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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