i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
