what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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