Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
