Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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