I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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